The group was making plans. You said, “I’m easy, whatever works.”
It was not untrue. In the moment, you could not find a preference anywhere inside you.
The question arrived and something in you went smooth and open, ready to hold whatever someone else chose.
This may happen more often than you think.
The seat you take is the one no one else wanted. The time you suggest is the one that fits everyone else’s schedule.
In a room full of opinions, yours is the one that bends first.
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🔍 SOMETHING QUIET AND RIGID UNDERNEATH
You might call it easygoing. Other people probably do.
But there may be something underneath that flexibility that is not flexible at all.
A rule that runs so deep it feels like personality.
The rule might sound something like this: my preferences matter less than the smoothness of this room.
It may have started young. Maybe someone close to you needed things to be easy, and your ease became the thing that kept the peace.
Maybe you learned that having a strong want was the same as being difficult. Maybe the safest version of you was the one who wanted whatever everyone else wanted.
And it worked. People relaxed around you.
You became the one others described as low-maintenance.
🕯️ THE SIGNAL THAT WENT QUIET
What may have gotten quiet in that process is your own signal. Not the deep desires.
Those might still pulse somewhere underneath. But the small, daily ones.
The ones that tell you whether you want to stay or leave. Whether you want the window or the aisle.
Whether you want to go at all.
Those signals may need use to stay clear. And if yours were turned down for long enough, they may have gone almost silent.
This is not a flaw in who you are.
It may be a system that learned to trade access to its own wanting for access to belonging. In the environment where that pattern began, it may have been the wisest thing you could have done.
The cost is quiet. It shows up as a strange blankness when someone asks, “what do you want?”
It shows up as a faint heaviness at the end of a day where everything went smoothly and none of it was yours.
🌤️ THE PAUSE BEFORE THE SCAN
You do not need to become loud or insistent.
But the next time someone asks what you want and your first impulse is to scan their face for the answer they are hoping to hear, there may be a pause just before the scan begins.
That pause may be where your preference lives.
It may feel like almost nothing.
It is not nothing.
🧭 WHEN SOMEONE ASKS WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT COMES FIRST?
💛 In prosperity and kindness,
Charmayne
